![]() ![]() We secretly yearn for a man to step in and fulfill an unquenched fantasy role. However mature and sceptical we may be in most areas, in relation to the idea of male protection, we remain a little like the young child we once were and haven’t been allowed to mature away from. The longing can incline to us some tricky patterns of behaviour. The adult longing for a father is not the result of having had a good father in childhood: it’s a consequence of abandonment. Perhaps he wasn’t around much, left the house after a divorce or died young. Perhaps he was more interested in another sibling or in his work. Perhaps one’s father was strong but ultimately cruel, bullying or disinterested. The paradox of daddy issues is that those who have them are – almost always – people who didn’t have very good fathers when they were small. It’s beyond astonishing – when one is four. In the swimming pool, you can put your arms around their neck and rest on their back they once kicked a football so high, you nearly couldn’t see it they take you on their shoulders and help you touch the ceiling. They appear to know everything: the capital of New Zealand, how to drive a car, how to say a few words in a foreign language, how to peel an avocado. A grown man inevitably and rightly seems immensely impressive to a small child. A hunger for a ‘daddy’ is – in the circumstances – wholly natural. We can’t understand the world, we are so fragile, we could be killed by a moderately sized dog so much feels mysterious and outside of our control. In early childhood, we are all immensely weak and in need of protection. In the US, the individuals who led the war of independence and drew up the constitution came to be known as the Founding Fathers Garibaldi, the dignified and authoritative man who fought for the unification of Italy in the 19th century, earned himself the title of the ‘father of the fatherland’. The longing has been no less present in secular culture. In ancient Greece, Zeus was described as the ‘father of men and Gods’ in Christianity, God was the heavenly father in Germanic mythology, Odin was the Allfather, the father of all other gods. Most r eligions have conceived of their central divinities as male parents. The longing for a strong father has been a recurring theme in history. It would be so understandable if we were to feel we wanted someone like this in our lives, especially at moments of confusion and chaos. To say that someone has ‘daddy issues’ is a somewhat rude and humiliating way of alluding to a very understandable longing: for a father who is strong and wise, who is judicious, kind, perhaps at points tough, but always fair – and ultimately, always on our side.
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